Latest posts by Katie Dickerson (see all)
- To My Pregnant Friend Who Doesn’t Want ‘Mum Friends’ - March 1, 2017
I know what you’re thinking when you hear the term ‘mum friends’.
You’re picturing stilted conversations in an antenatal class about changing tables and breast pumps. Awkward baby groups full of people you never would have spoken to if you didn’t push a small infant out of your bits around the same time. Friendships that fall apart as soon as you both return to work after maternity leave because you don’t actually have any shared interests.
And you’re right. You probably won’t have a lot in common with your mum friends, and they may not stick around.
But you’ll need them. Oh man, will you ever need them.
Non-mum friends are great, but while you’re stuck at home with a newborn all day, they’ll probably be at work. Your mum friends can come over at 10am on a Tuesday to watch your baby while you shower for the first time in three days. They will bring cake, because they know that cake is pretty much the only thing that can make a sleep-deprived mum feel almost human. They will make plans with you when you’re desperate to get out of the house, and they’ll totally understand when you break them because your baby has just done a poonami all over her onesie.
That’s the other great thing about mum friends – they get it.
You’re going to go through some pretty harrowing stuff in those first few months. You’ll learn what it’s like to go for weeks without sleeping for more than two hours at a time. (Spoiler alert: it’s the worst.) Your boobs will betray you over and over, until you’re desperate to tear those heavy, leaking milk bags off your chest. Your hair will start falling out in big clumps when you shower. You will get puked on – repeatedly. And pooed on – repeatedly.
It helps to have people around who know what that’s like. You can text your mum friends at 3am to complain that you’re up with the baby AGAIN, and it’s not weird because they’re most likely up too. You can swap advice about sleep training and breast pads in the middle of the night like it’s totally normal.
That’s the other thing about mum friends – they’re into the same boring crap that you are.
Yeah, you’re going to get kind of boring for a while.
You’re going to become really interested in things you probably haven’t even heard of yet, like cradle cap, Wonder Weeks and Ferberization. That’s when having mum friends really comes in handy. They’re always up for in-depth discussions about milestones and mastitis, and they’re definitely the only ones who will listen to you ramble on about the color and frequency of your baby’s poos.
Mum friends will be your lifeline when you feel like you’re drowning in diapers and drool. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them.