10 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

The 10 things that people said to me during pregnancy and what I would want to say back.  

1. So what do you miss the most now that your pregnant?

Well, that gin and tonic you have in your hand right there Graham….I miss that. I love not being able to drink at the current social event we are attending. And that coffee you have every morning smells delicious, keep wavering it in front of me while you ramble on about reporting, Graham.

2. Enjoy your last few months of freedom!

Why? Am I being put away for beating you to death with a 500 page baby book? 

3. ‘…….well, you’re not going to be able to go out for the next 18 years anyway, might as well get used to it! hahah’

You. Are. Hilarious.  Seriously? What day in age have I travelled back into? When did everyone start thinking that having a child meant giving up all social activities. I understand I won’t be raging at Warehouse parties anymore, but I can still go to a BBQ or work party here and there. What a load of BS. 

4. You really shouldn’t…….stand up… eat that blue cheese… exercise…..pick up that box….

OH MAH GAH, stop treating me like a Grandmother. I get it. You’re trying to be helpful. But I am still a fully functioning human being! Look….I am standing up! Look…..I am pouring tea for the table! Look……I am having sex in reverse cowgirl position with my boyfriend!

5. It kind of grosses me out that there is a baby inside of you. 

It kind of grosses me out that you lick your lips every time you drink your water and then accidentally spit on my face when you say, ‘Please,’ or ‘Pollution’ or ‘Piracy.’ I also assume you envisage birth like something from the Alien Movie.. you knobhead. 

6. I feel more pregnant than you!

Totes. I’m sure that large hamburger you just ate is also giving you raging hormones, an aching back, sore boobs, a dull headache that can strike at any moment, and a constant need to go to the toilet.

7. You’re eating for two now! 

Thanks. You look like a horse too!

8. You’re glowing. : )

Shut up. I know I’m sweating profusely from walking up those five stairs. I can see the lies all over your non-sweaty face. 

9. Really? I like the name Harrison. 

Why did you ask me what I am naming my child and then give your opinion on something ‘better’? Would I ask you where you are going on holiday and say, ‘Rome, really? I like Madrid, much more beautiful.’  Keep your own opinions for your own uterus.

10. You should have a C-section.

Hmm I didn’t realise that was something I could choose as an option? I’ll be sure to mention it to my doctor. Having my stomach cut open and operated on sounds much better than birthing the natural way that woman have been doing for centuries. 

The Mum Project

The Mum Project

Originally from San Francisco, but raising my son in the UK. My blog consists of real talk about the motherhood. Jobs other than Mum: Huff Post & Scary Mommy &Huff Post Contributor, Brand Ambassador Lansinoh Family, Digital Marketing Manager, Postgraduate Student, Wannabe Dancer, Host of #StayClassyMama and Beer Pong Player.
The Mum Project