1. So what do you miss the most now that your pregnant?
2. Enjoy your last few months of freedom!
3. ‘…….well, you’re not going to be able to go out for the next 18 years anyway, might as well get used to it! hahah’
4. You really shouldn’t…….stand up… eat that blue cheese… exercise…..pick up that box….
OH MAH GAH, stop treating me like a Grandmother. I get it. You’re trying to be helpful. But I am still a fully functioning human being! Look….I am standing up! Look…..I am pouring tea for the table! Look……I am having sex in reverse cowgirl position with my boyfriend!
5. It kind of grosses me out that there is a baby inside of you.
It kind of grosses me out that you lick your lips every time you drink your water and then accidentally spit on my face when you say, ‘Please,’ or ‘Pollution’ or ‘Piracy.’ I also assume you envisage birth like something from the Alien Movie.. you knobhead.
6. I feel more pregnant than you!
Totes. I’m sure that large hamburger you just ate is also giving you raging hormones, an aching back, sore boobs, a dull headache that can strike at any moment, and a constant need to go to the toilet.
7. You’re eating for two now!
Thanks. You look like a horse too!
8. You’re glowing. : )
Shut up. I know I’m sweating profusely from walking up those five stairs. I can see the lies all over your non-sweaty face.
9. Really? I like the name Harrison.
Why did you ask me what I am naming my child and then give your opinion on something ‘better’? Would I ask you where you are going on holiday and say, ‘Rome, really? I like Madrid, much more beautiful.’ Keep your own opinions for your own uterus.
10. You should have a C-section.
Hmm I didn’t realise that was something I could choose as an option? I’ll be sure to mention it to my doctor. Having my stomach cut open and operated on sounds much better than birthing the natural way that woman have been doing for centuries.
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