Depression Physically Hurts



Brittany is a 29 year old mother who has southern roots but lives in New Jersey. She loves all things geeky, The X-Files being her main squeeze. She suffers from Bipolar, PTSD, and extreme anxiety. Every day life can be a struggle for her. This is about her journey to wellness.

I have been experiencing the physical pain of depression and anxiety since I was 3 years old. Anything stressful would make me throw up and I was rushed to the ER many times to be told that nothing was wrong with me.

I remember being in the 1st grade and getting so excited to wear my Snow White costume to school that I literally vomited and had to stay home. Ruining this special time that I was so excited about.

I was tested for everything under the sun and we never got any answers. In fact, the doctors thought my mother was faking it. She was not.

This continued all the way through middle school. It was there that I experienced my first trauma. After this event, which I won’t be going into right now, happened, all my genetic-based disorders where amped up and I finally got the mental help I needed.

I remember when I was younger, I was so convinced that there was no way every single person felt this kinda of pain every day.

The entire time I was told I was faking it, too sensitive, always sick…I could go on and on. I can count on one hand how many people took me seriously, creating a phobia of voicing my concerns when it comes to me.But the truth is DEPRESSION HURTS!

It makes you feel like you are in a bodycast, unable to move and when you do move your muscles light on fire.

Your head pounds and you can experience a pinching feeling all over your body. This pinching feel is usually in my feet for some weird reason. If I am driving and a cop is following me, my feet will light on fire and only stops after the cop is gone and I have calmed down. There is no question that anxiety causes this pain.

It can affect your stomach and cause you to have to use the bathroom a lot. Both pee and poop. I would experience terrible sharp stabby type pains in my stomach, convinced that I was dying. Only to be treated like I was faking it or crazy by my doctors.

My past partners were no better. Acting like I brought it on myself and would literally be mad at me for being sick. I was scared to even catch a cold.

I have learned that mental illness doesn’t just effect your mind and thoughts, but also your physical being. This is why it is soooo important to take care of yourself.

On the days you cannot move without hurting you have two options:

  1. Lay in bed and heal. Take care of yourself by giving yourself a day to rest. But DO NOT allow this to be time for you to beat yourself up for laying in bed. If you notice that you are doing this than get up and do something else that will help you heal.
  2. Get up and push! This means taking care of yourself. Giving yourself what you need to get up and move. These things include a healthy breakfast, yoga or stretching, shower and anything else that is GOOD TO YOUR BODY.

Why should you be good to your body?Because it is very clear that mental illnesses affect your mind and your body. If you are taking medication to help your mind for the mental pain, why would you not be good to your body to help the physical pain?

So, the next time you are down and feel like moving would hurt too much, remember that you are entitled to a day to heal just as if you had a physical ailment. And to be kind to your body. Treat it as you would treat your own children. Good breakfast, stretches, healthy lunch, shower, sleep.

Now to practice what I preach!

Thanks for reading!